Instead of dealing with all these emotions in the moment, there are many steps you can take to prepare yourself for heated exchanges ahead of time - or eliminate them altogether.
First, become an “emotional detective” when a screaming match occurs. What does your child need? What do YOU need? How can you use this information to avoid blowouts in the future?
Second, determine where the anger (yours AND your child’s) is coming from, and decide what to do with it.
For example, one of my clients reported that her marriage was completely transformed when she and her husband finally got on the same page with parenting… and it made a huge difference in their children’s behavior.
Another repaired her relationship with her parents after determining the REAL source of her anger. The re-establishment of this critical relationship helped to substantially reduce the anger she was projecting onto her kids.
Third, set mutually agreed upon “limits” in advance. This eliminates negotiations in the heat of the moment and sets everyone’s expectations on the same page.
When you apply this crucial method, you’ll rarely find yourself in the midst of a meltdown - neither your own nor your kid’s.
During situations that previously would have become massive blowouts, you’ll find yourself seamlessly navigating all the emotions and “coaching” your kids into cooperation.
This is crucial for you because you wind up modelling for your children HOW to handle their own emotions in a healthy way that actually helps them get EXACTLY what they want - without feeling like you “lost” something!
Naturally, the next thing that will happen is...